Holy Shit

I am completely full of bubbling rage, and yet all day today I've been mellow, calm, polite and pleasant. All day, dealing with my parking ticket (which was not legitimate and I was able to get removed) and when going to the grocery store and when dealing with all other sorts of people. I might be frustrated because I have nothing to write. My mind is as blank and as bland as I portray myself in public. I am so bored, I feel like there is no one to talk to. I wrote about a good conversation the other day and find myself longing for another. My friend primarily concerns himself with video games and things on the internet that make him laugh--which is hardly a bad thing--yet today at least, I cannot find joy in any of that.

I need to get away, I need to hide. I need to run off into the night sit in the shadows and hide. I need music to rattle my soul, and cold night air and the brilliant night sky to open my mind.

Maybe I'm just a sad sorry lonely boy, maybe I need lead out of the darkness, but for now shadows are all I know, shadows are all I see, and they keep me safe. One day perhaps, I will find the light, though I do not imagine I will do it alone if light does exist for me. As much as I like to think I can see, the night keeps me blind from many things. Many things everyone else can see and make claims that the same should be for me. I want to see, I want to see, but truth be told I'm as blind as can be. So help me see, oh help me please. The world grows darker, and I seek to ease, with a selfish act I'm quite fond of so please, I cannot be the selfish king I have people to serve, or at least I think. For when I'm forgotten I can finally leave, as the shadows engulf me, I can be at ease, until finally no thing.