I feel. . .

this sort of numbness you know? This strange feeling that I'm here, but unaffected by the world around. The echo of music issues sensational chills, and the sound of rain comforts the soul. And soon I begin to realize, my soul is slowly shrinking. The dark veil that shrouds my perception and personality is blanketing everything in my life. I draw back from friends and family, meeting their required acquaintances to sustain their happiness and prevent worry. My own self-loathing is asphyxiating me from life and the rest of the world.

 I no longer make my friends laugh, I no longer make them smile. I have lost my cheerfulness, I have lost my humor. I have lost the touch of humanity that they valued in me, I have lost the part of me that could bring them out of darkness and could keep them in the clouds. I do not claim that it has gone away; no I have just misplaced it, and for the life of me--or the death--I cannot amass the ability or motivation to search for it.

"Does this count as talking to someone?" I ask myself. In ways I suppose it does, but does it fix anything? No it most certainly does not. How do I fix myself then I ask, and yet I have never ended that line with a question mark. Funny that I state a question, but perhaps it is because I do not want an answer.