It sounds so negative. I suppose it is, but what's a post without a moderate level of my usual negativity. I suppose this title mostly correlates (in my mind) with relationships. I hear of people holding off on a relationship because they don't want to get hurt again. They don't want to have their heart broken. I have always been aware of the conclusion that everything is going to end. There is no avoiding that heartbreak.
I had a talk with my cousin who is getting married this next weekend about it. She didn't like my line. She is just about to get married after all so why should she? But I told her to stop and think about it, well suppose that you and him never divorce and grow old together. Eventually one of you is going to die. One is going to be left alone in the world while the other passes, and sure maybe there is a Notebook ending and you both die together at the same time. That is always possible, sure.
That was not my point that I had wanted to make though, I had not wanted to end with, "well you're gonna die someday," but that is where the conversation ended. My point was that I did not understand people forgoing a relationship because they are afraid of a broken heart. That is what happens, you spend many wonderful moments together, and eventually it ends. Every relationship is going to end in pain. (I suppose that is the pessimist in me trying to be realistic) If pain is inevitable, why fear what might be? Give that love a chance and gain what happiness that you can from it. Fearing that pain leaves you where you are right now. Alone, looking for comfort, and afraid to reach out for it.
Then there are those people--much like myself--who have told themselves that they don't need anyone, and to be honest I don't. It is that fear of getting hurt that is manipulating that intense solitude; the fear is what lets me be comfortable on my own. "I have never needed anyone in the past, why should I need someone now. I have no desire to be dependent on someone." It does not make a person stronger being alone. It closes you off. It shuts you away from talking, feeling, holding, smelling and sharing your thoughts, emotions and ideas. You cripple yourself. There is always going to be pain that one will experience, it is unavoidable, but the constant pressure (if that is the right word) of solitude--while it does not inflict pain--bottles and stacks its weight upon your shoulders, and will not subside unless you permit someone to share the burden. And maybe, it's not even a burden. Maybe it's just thoughts and ideas that are held within your head. Just things that you aren't able to air in any way.
Do not fear what you cannot avoid, embrace what you can have in exchange for that pain, and hope that in the end that it outweighs it. As a cynic the line, "it's better to have love and lost, than to have never loved at all," would seem stupid, but imagine it without love. Completely and entirely alone, not a soul could withstand that level of solitude. What would be the point without it?
A quote from my grandpa that was read at his funeral: "You never miss them any less, you only miss them less often."
Love this.
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