Well that's just me

This is my new canvas for my room in Sonoma. Rather negative and pessimistic I know that much. I thought it fit me rather well. That's why I went to a junior college to begin with; I gave up on my dreams. I have given up on many things in my life--that included (or so I say, I'm still here after all). I am sarcastic and cannot even take myself seriously. In many ways I laugh at myself. "Look at all those posts Nathaniel: vague, dark, pathetic and boring. You have convinced yourself of so many things. You assume to know so much when you are no more than a twenty-one year old child."

"Yeah, but so are all the other people I know. At least I have the ability to see things that others can't. I pay attention to things. I learn from them, and in the end I am disgusted."

"What have you really learned? You have continually taught yourself to hate the world. You have convinced yourself that it has nothing to offer you."

"IT DOESN'T! Do you see any future for me!? I see nothing. I see resentment, and anger, and solitude. The world has nothing to offer me."

"And that, is exactly your problem. That is all you see. You have clouded your judgement from the rest, and have completely locked yourself away from the rest of the possibilities of the world. You see yourself as higher than many of the people around you don't you? You would never want to admit it, you find humility to be a completely admirable trait and wish to hold onto it dearly."

"In all honesty? I suppose I do see myself above others in many ways. Doesn't everyone? Don't most people see themselves above others, comparing themselves to others? That is the way the human race operates, we project our own images into the mind of others and attempt to judge who has more merit than the other."

"I don't know what everyone else does. I only know what you do. For I am you. The sad thing is, you are not above everyone else. You have been given the opportunity to live and you refuse to. You almost fear life. Perhaps fear is the wrong word. You loathe it, and because you have figured out how to loathe life and find it despicable, you are under the assumption that somehow everyone else must be stupid, and that you are elevated by your knowledge. You are not."

"You see the filth in this world as I do. You see the filth that even you, yourself have been a part of or acted in, and yet you challenge our thought that the world is not a dark disgusting place?"

"Think of your friends who hold closest to your heart. The friends you look up to for their strength, and peace of mind. The friends who's biggest concerns are with the ones that they care about and are rarely ever are concerned with themselves, and their own problems."

"What is your point? I know them and I look up to them. What of it?"

"Do you think they are better than they are? They do not see the world as you do in the slightest"

"Well, I don't know precisely. I look up to their strength and character, so how can I be or see myself as higher than them?"

"My point exactly. They have done what you have not. Not only have they accomplished our supposed purpose for continuing on living, but they enjoy life. They live. We only remain alive because neither of us have figured out how to get away with dying. And my last point is this, there is no way. Give up on dying, and figure out how to live."

"I don't want to."

"You are a twenty-one year old boy, you don't know what you want."