I am troubled by this dream. This dream that everyone lives in. I am troubled by this dream we call reality and the level of importance we associate with it. I prefer the life of my mind, and the imagination that has designed worlds larger and more beautiful one than this reality everyone sleeps through. There is no need for solitude or need of friendship. There is only what you can imagine. Which when set upon the right person is limitless. The only problem is, I can't stop dreaming.

My Insides Turn

The thought that people in your lives you consider so significant, and so important, can be, and likely will be forgotten in a matter of years. An inevitability of life I'm told. People grow out of one another. Or their paths take them to different places. A thought that makes me sick. And perhaps just a thought.

If you could only

Forget me, forget me

Let me fade,

I'll slip to the darkness,

the cool, quiet, comforting

shade.

Memories of me

will pass and fade

Little impressions

no obligation to stay.

Yet retain still

the empathy

to stay my hand,

still, beating.

Hold me not

within your mind,

few cherished thoughts,

beside all my crimes

For there I surely rest my eyes,

this world we live, is not mine

so let me fade, let me fade.

If you could only

Forget me, forget me

I shall drift away upon the breeze.

Neverland 03/07/11

My shadow is my one true friend

who hears my thoughts and only bends,

Does not drift or move away

only fades and sharpens as the times

have changed.

If I had any fears

They would concern my brother. In fact, they do concern him. I am scared, an emotion I hate almost as much as anger. I am scared, that he is just like me. He is just like me. I am the big brother and my job is to protect him no matter the cost. To do everything within my power to make sure he is alright, yet I cannot protect him from myself. I certainly cannot protect him from himself. He is so much more than me, and as the days pass I am beginning to learn he is darker than I am. As I say darkness I do not refer to some sort of evil, but instead I am referring to his conception of the world. He consults me while writings his songs, I suppose he is seeking my approval, he likes my opinions and uplifting comliments. And I do, I most certainly do. He is good, perhaps better than I am at writing poetry even now. I even believe he has a better grasp on the concept of constructing his poems and songs too. Every time he consults me each song becomes darker and darker. I fear it may be due to the lack of closeness between us in the past year. We have most certainly drifted, but he also is not so eager to talk to me as he used to be. It scares me to think that he finds the end as inviting as I do. Because I do not know what is holding him back while I know precisely what keeps me from peace. I know that part of it is shared through Brad, and that he understands the selfishness of such a deed but I do not think he has found some sort of purpose as I have. Though it is not much to live on, it is something. Something that keeps you from the darkness at times.

and so are you

I am a facade.

I can see it now, but can you?