The Ides Approach

So it's March if for some reason this is not time stamped and my cheesy and vague jest at a Shakespearean quote is not recognized. "Beware the Ides of March," oh boy that reminds me of high school. I do not say oh boy with cheery recollection but instead with a whimsical chuckle of shame. An odd contorting mixture of emotions I am quite aware. Many bad memories and very few good ones, yet when one looks back (at least in my case) I find poor memories sit idly upon the shallow reaches of the mind; whereas fragments of joy and youth manage to dig deep into the recesses of my mind where I find them most out of reach, rather I do not find them at all. Quite a shame that I lack the capacity to recall precious moments as easily as I can the bad. I have come to assume that may be a serious underlying factor behind my negative approach to life. I often manage to evaluate all the bad, horrible, excruciating outcomes before I even begin to contemplate all the wonderful possibilities. Though in many ways I have found this to be a favorable trait for I often see the inevitable dark end before I fill with hope and osculated merriment. Just as well, I have had many situations where I was helplessly hopeful when the definite end was right in front of me. That of course would be much closer to denial than anything else. And what is denial, if not a lie. A lie told to oneself in a bold and often successful attempt to feint reality. This is essentially what all lies are. I would argue denial is the worst lie that can be told. It is a lie that you know is a lie, yet you continue to believe that it is the truth, while subconsciously aware that it is in fact not. An unavoidable Catch 22. Well not entirely unavoidable. My hope is that humans can change, though I have invested very little of it. It is a rare element that I despise using.
    Beware the Ides-